Have you ever had a “fat day” or week or month or season? Where you just feel ugh in your body? Where everything you wear makes you feel gigantic? I’m in one of those seasons. I tried explaining it to a teenager the other day, and she just looked at me like I was crazy. Of course she’s also a stick! Nonetheless, I got no empathy out of her.
The other night I had a dream that I had gained 57 pounds in a matter of months! Talk about a nightmare! And it was non-pregnant weight thank you very much! I can’t escape my fat season in my real life or my dreams! Then, a few nights later and also the night before a doctor appointment, knowing I’d have a meet and greet with the scale and come face to face with just how real my fat season really is, I had a dream that I had gained 10 pounds since my last weigh-in over the summer.
I was ready for that scale and will only say all is well. The scale revealed my fat season is just a feeling or else me just being a head case. Maybe a mix of both! But is anyone out there who struggles like me? Sure it might all be in the head, but that doesn’t make it any less real. I know as a “mature” adult that I can’t be ruled by my emotions and feelings but feeling fat is just lousy. And no I may not be fat, and someone a wee bit bigger than me might be rolling their eyes at me at this very moment, but a feeling is a feeling. And those feelings can overpower and rule us.
I think these feelings, how we feel in our own bodies, no matter what the scale says, can be a constant struggle, especially for girls. I see plenty of people prancing around town, and I think to myself, wow, they are really confident in themselves…But I wonder if they truly are in their head, where nobody else can access.
I learned during my post college years how important it is for me to have control of my thought life. There’s a constant battle going in our mind, for our thoughts, which can easily dictate the direction of our lives. I can either be ruined or brought to victory because of them. These fat thoughts can come thru my head, but will I dwell on them? Will I believe what they are trying to dictate to me? Will I allow myself to feel ugh, which then makes me compare myself to others or make me not want to do anything or go anywhere? That then leads to…SEE? It’s this crazy, downward spiral! I can feed into those thoughts, or I can remind myself what the Word of God says about me, no matter how I’m feeling and no matter what a scale says about me!
I have personally ALWAYS loved Psalms 139. I just love what it says about God’s perfect knowledge and creation of me.
“You formed my inward parts.”
“I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
“How precious are Your thoughts towards me.”
“You understand my thought afar off.”
“You have hedged me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me.”
“…Even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me.”
I’m thankful that a fat season, a certain fashion look, a number on a scale or even an “ugh feeling” does not define me. Jesus provides my true identity, and He considers His workmanship marvelous. So today, instead of giving voice to my ugh thoughts, I’m choosing to dwell on Psalm 139 and my Heavenly Father’s marvelous workmanship instead.
I’m thankful Jesus says I’m much more than a number or a feeling. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. You just can’t argue with the Creator on that one!